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Monday, February 22, 2010

Paranormal Activity

One of the reasons I set old X-files episodes to run when I go to bed is because I am sometimes afraid of things that go bump in the night.

Not the sounds caused by real life bad guys. Someone breaking in is the least of my worries--I have five dogs, two of them yappy little hair-trigger types that react to every door opening, a pointer that has already demonstrated her willingness to go to the mat for her boy, one ninety-pound bloodhound mix who sounds like the hound of retribution when he barks, and one impressive German Shepherd, who moves more slowly than he use to, but is every bit as serious about looking after his own as he always has been. And then of course there's the three six footers that are eating all my food these days--one of whom runs on microwave popcorn and has a zombie contingency plan. Another who is a crack shot (he owes me a mail box), and another who has spent an extensive amount of time practicing and mastering screaming, leaping out from behind things, and causing heart attacks. Anybody silly enough to break into this house is very likely to wind up suing us for loss of quality of life.

No, I worry about monsters in the closet, ghosts, and demons. The unseen, the unexplained, the chills, the shadows, and the sense of presence that surrounds me when I wake up alone on the nights Gary's gone. So why on earth would I run a show that concentrates on all of the above? Because in X-files, those things are always managed, always controlled. Moulder and Scully triumph over them using a mix of muscle, wit, fire power, and faith. So as long as X-files is running, Moulder and Scully are there to protect me. And, yes, I'm well aware that God is watching and he's the one in control. But I figure he probably can't object to a little background noise.

What I don't advise is watching movies that keep you awake at night. This is why I'm going to strongly suggest that you skip Paranormal Activity.

I'm not playin'.

Don't.

You'll regret it.

One more cup of Gary's coffee and I'll be good until dawn.

Shudders and peers nervously at creaking door. . .

And if that's not enough to deter you? We didn't bother to watch the ending. My nerves were jangled and I stood up and announced that I'd had enough. To my surprise, everyone else sighed in relief and agreed. By the way, if you're wondering, Sam decided five minutes (I've been corrected--fifteen minutes--Sorry Sam) into it that it was going to be too much for him--he's wise like that--and went off to read his Bible instead. If only the rest of us had been as smart.

5 comments:

Dennis Bryant said...

Human nature dictates that I see for myself what is so spooky about that movie. But then again my personality disorders are legion...

Anonymous said...

just reading about it made my hair standup and goose bumps emerge! yikes....the night awaits me....eileen

Debby said...

No desire to be scared witless. I've got children, Mary. They scare me enough.

Mary Paddock said...

Dennis--That's understandable. But don't come cryin' to me when your wife wants you to hire an exorcist to spray your house with holy water.

Eileen--Hi. Generally, I read the movie descriptions on Netflix before allowing them into my house. But the boys were so enthused about this one, it got away from me. I hope you slept well. :)

Debby--I'm hip. 'Hope things get better for yours soon.

Julie Carter said...

My problem is neither ghosties nor badguys. If I lie awake at night afraid, it's always heart attacks, cancers, strokes, that get me. I guess I don't fear the unknown. I fear the known.