Monday, September 11, 2006


Another week begins. I'm running behind this morning because Gary convinced me to stay up late and hang out with him. Sometimes I suspect he and I are not very good for each other (more on that another time). I got up intending to walk and was greeted by a thunderstorm. So much for good intentions. I'll try again at lunch time--try to run between the raindrops, maybe.

If you're male or don't have a lot of patience with personal confessions, you might want to skip to the next two paragraphs. I simply must get this out of my system.

Confession: I am really struggling with my weight these days and am heavier than I've been in a long time. I suppose this is an improvement on many years of disordered eating. Every weight management program I entered wound up the same way: binging, purging, ritualistic eating, obsessing over every bite I put in my mouth, always seeing a fat woman in the mirror. Being a size five was great, but at what cost? However, this isn't healthy either. I suppose it's a good sign that I've learned to measure myself differently over the last few years, that being my best isn't about how I look, but by what I accomplish and who I am. If it weren't for Gary's unconditional love and constantly reminding me that I am more than the sum of the numbers on the bathroom scale and the size on the tag on my clothes, I'd very likely be in a hospital or program with women with eating disorders.

I'm an avid walker; that hasn't changed. I need the seratonin that it releases to keep me in balance and I love being outdoors. However, between a slowing metabolism (turning 40 has a magical effect on the female body), genetics (all the women in my family are over-weight) I am wearing a size I never thought I'd see again. I will beat this; I've done it before. Fourteen years ago I lost a 100 lbs so thirty pounds shouldn't be as big a deal. Right?

Okay, that was probably an uncomfortable couple of paragraphs for my male readers, if there are any. If you're still with me, lets move on. I promise, I'll occasionally make note of my progress here, but but my vanity is not the focus of this blog.

My writing schedule is going to have to change so that I can accomplish everything I've set out to do. As usual I walk first thing in the morning four days a week--Monday/Wednesday/Friday and Saturday or Sunday. School the boys on Monday, Wednesday and Friday--this leaves Gary handling it the other two days of the week so I can work at the office. Tuesdays and Thursdays are packed--I leave first thing in the morning around seven and don't get in some days until after six--sometimes only to turn around and go back out the door again. This means that I'll be writing after nine at night. I can do this, I just can't surf much or play around on the forums until I'm done.

Meanwhile, I've got this query letter to write. I'm going to take a shot at it this week and see where it winds up.

Okay, time to call the kids together and get some work done.

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