Thursday, August 28, 2008

Bad Beta

I like to try Beta software so much that when Microsoft advertised that they needed testers for Office 2007, I got in line and was among some of the first people who got to try it. The new Office is a credit to its maker (one of the few things that is).

So when they went public with their Internet Explorer 8 Beta this morning, I decided to give it a whirl. After all, I like IE7 enough to use it for at least half my browsing and surely 8 would offer some improvements. Its photo looked innocent enough on the page. So fresh. So young. So I downloaded it.

Hindsight is always so golden, isn't it?

IE8 didn't like anything at my house, but I put it off to the typical uncertianties that went with being a Beta. It whined about my google bar. It threw a temper tantrum when I asked it to go to Blogger, slamming doors and storming off the desktop. It demanded cookies and then didn't like the ones I offered it. It ran through my dynamic link library pulling files off shelves and putting them in the wrong place. Then it got really badly behaved, possessing the computer for extended periods of time while it pretended it was making up its mind as to whether or not it was going to work this time. Ultimately it only spewed problems and laughed maniacally.

Obviously, IE8 was no ordinary piece of software. Something evil lurked beneath its shiny glowing surface.

So I decided to quietly send it back to the beta hell it had come from. But it wouldn't leave. It turned out it hadn't registered at the front desk so I couldn't even uninstall it through Add/Remove. And just for spite, every time I deleted one its files manually, it put them back. Angrily, because I really had other things to do today, I tried a system restore. But IE8 was far more resilent than I thought it was. When I opened IE7 up again, there was 8, sneering at me. Shortly afterward, other libraries began to call in that the couldn't find specific (and vital) information.

I tried a restart after one repair attempt and then it wouldn't let me in at all.

There was only one thing to do--perform an exorcism. That's right. I called in PC Angel and it arrived bearing a fresh copy of windows in one hand and holy water in the other. IE8 spewed forth foul language, head spinning, shrieking in fury as PC Angel spoke in binary code, but the Angel only continued on.

The two battled for nearly an hour and it looked like IE might win a couple of times, but finally IE admitted defeat and left, it's head bowed, dragging its EULA behind.

PC Angel then restored Windows to its former glory, replacing all the missing libraries, tidying up spills and organizing files. Then it stood back and said, "This house is clean" then flew back the way it came, reminding me gently to take better care in the future.

There has been much rejoicing among the villagers ever since.

Unless you have a few hours and a Novena or two to spare, I'd recommend against this particular beta.


Anonymous said...

erk, thanks for the warning, I will pass too!

Scotty said...

It almost sounds like a virus.


Yay, Firefox.


Debby said...

Ignorance is bliss. This means I'm too ignorant to install new stuff. I simply hobble along with what I've got because,'s already there.

Big Plain V said...

Wow Mary, what an exciting story. Weren't you scared? I'd have crawled under the bed with a kitchen knife and whimpered.

Debby said...

Wait, I just read this again. The PC angel fixed your computer and cleaned your house?!!!! Whoa. You are blessed. Truly blessed.