Friday, January 08, 2010

Memo to the resident Energy Miser

Darling,

I am so glad that you've discovered that we pay for this thing we call electricity and I am grateful that you're running so conscious of how much it costs. Turning off lights and appliances that yours truly has left on (sometimes on purpose because she kind of likes seeing where she's going as well as eating hot food), is a terrific method of cutting our utility bills. And you know I'm all about that.

But we've got to discuss your feelings about heating costs. While I do believe we're healthier for living in cooler temperatures in the winter, I don't believe it's necessary to see our breath in the air in order to practice said healthiness. I don't know if you remember this little detail or not, but some of the tenser moments in our 22 years together have involved my being cold. We are fast approaching one of those moments.

When you are at home and we are in bed together (Yes, yes, that does bring very pleasant images to mind, doesn't it?), it's not so bad. But when you go off to work in the afternoon and the last thing you do before you leave is turn the heat in our bedroom off (and fail to mention it to me), you leave me stranded in sub-zero temperatures in a room that will take several hours to warm up even if I turn it up on high. (Did you know your name can be taken in vain?) Especially as I often don't discover this until well after the damage is done.

I like you, I really, really do. I think you're hot (in every sense of the word) and I love being close to you. This is why I am offering you a gentle warning. If you don't stop playing God of Winter with the thermostat, you're going to find yourself out in the cold (in every sense of the word). Remember, your body heat can be replaced. There are lots of dogs and cats in this house.

Your loving(and currently frigid)wife,
mary

5 comments:

Scotty said...

Remember, your body heat can be replaced.

Hehe, I like that line, Mary, and here's hoping he pays attention.

:-)

Julie Carter said...

My god, he's one of THEM.

That old poem of yours sounds too much like my drafty old pile of a house. Brr. Stay warm, babe.

Debby said...

*snort*

God of Winter. That made me laugh. I've got one of them, myself. I am constantly waking up freezing, adjusting blankets, falling back asleep, waking up freezing... We have a very warm house, except for the bedroom. Tim can't sleep in a warm bedroom.

Mary Paddock said...

Thanks Scotty. I think he has. :)

Julie--Yes, he is. I'm planning on never, ever being that cold again. It was a really, truly lousy winter. The current house is warm.

Debby--I actually like sleeping "cool", but there's a big difference between "cool" and abso-freezing-off-appendages-ly cold. Forty is good. Ten is not.

jeanie said...

See, V never turns off the fan!! Excellent post, and I love the zombie plans previously mentioned.